Feeling Quite Ill
Mood: Nauseated
Got ready for church in 24 minutes. Hurrah for excessive amounts of time spent online when one should clearly be putting makeup on or making herself look appropriate to be on church Extreme Makeover. I'm still utterly confused by it all: I'm telling ya, it's doing wonders to lower my already waning self-concept. [har]

As we were heading down the road of the church, I began to feel nauseated as I did last night when I got to church. This time it lasted. I couldn't even continue greeting--I gave the rest of my bulletins to the creepy guy Willy who had been bugging me anyway. Ugh. I feel rather green. Even now. Jason said that on the 17th, his bday, that [as long as Mrs. Jerri & Mr. Mike don't have plans] he, Micah, Andy & I will head to his old church about an hour away & hang out at their youth so we can get a feel for where we need to get for our youth. It's amazing how alone I felt while sitting in church today. Sure I was sitting next to Rebecca, Micah beside her, then Lauren, then Jason, but I would've rathered Jason to come sit beside. I felt quite bad & just wished to feel that someone could tell I needed to be comforted, what they could do to help is beyond me, but it's the thought. Ah...

When we got home, I slept. I slept for 2 hours in what seemed to be a dreamless sleep. I woke up the minute my parents were about to leave to go to Wal*Mart then got ready to go with them. I was feeling much better & actually ate something. I got a bday card for Jason & have yet to get Micah one. I'll try to get one from the other Wal*Mart since that one has more of a selection of funny cards. Tomorrow I must find out if he would want the Trogdor shirt then I have to hurry & order it to get it before next Tuesday. On Wednesday I must find out what Jason wants...

Something's wrong with Nat. I've been reading her new diary. She's going through the same inner turmoil that I go through, but the difference is (1)she talks about hers openly instead of pushing it to the furthest depths of her emotional being afterwards & (2)she seems to hold onto it instead of instantly reasoning it out & getting over it. I'm not sure which of our differing techniques is more beneficial...perhaps neither. I didn't know she wanted to do Broadway. That's pretty cool. I just feel like an onlooker of her life though. I moved away from LA 3 years ago & of course, alot has changed in our lives. We don't talk much. It's difficult. Hmm. Perhaps the thing that bothers me is that she has password-protected entries & has never given me the word that is gateway into her thoughts. The title of her diary is 'without a friend'. That makes me feel great. It's hard to re-become friends with someone who holds onto such negative feelings & claims to have a facade towards all. It seems utterly pointless to me to try because I know what she means because sometimes, I myself do the same. Now I'm feeling my types 4 & 5 of my personality battling. Madness. I want to help, but know I can't. If she's reading this, I surely wish that she doesn't take any of this offensively, tis what I believe to be true & if I know her like I think I do, quite possibly, I'm on the right track.

I have to put my nauseated possibly nauseous self to bed without having any homework done.
Song of the day: Let Me Roll It by Paul McCartney & Wings
Couplet of the day: Im feeling sick once again/Where did my sickness begin?

February 28, 2004--Saturday - 11:30 PM

I Used A Green Sharpie!
Mood: Confused
Happily woke up at 10:33am, but with a horrid headache. I'm not sure whether it's because of the regular occurrence of such, the fact that I slept too long or because of the concert last night. My thoughts are the 2nd one.

I talked to my grandma in Ohio today. She was 'very pleased' that I got my dress yesterday. :P

I helped my dad a bit in the front yard then I had to start getting ready to head to the church for 4:45pm because tonight was Family Movie Night.

Once I got to the church, I helped Jason with setting up all the food stuff. He said that when he got home last night early from the concert, he didn't go to sleep until 4am. Figures. He asked me if I had a date for Jr/Sr yet & I told him no then he asked if I was gonna ask anyone. I gave him a look as to say 'I don't ask guys out'then said 'Well, see, I'd go with Micah as friends if he asked me' Jason finished my sentence 'because you feel most comfortable with him out of all the guys' 'exactly'. The thing is, it's weird how he keeps bringing it up & I think, because I can read Jason pretty well, that he & Micah talked about it earlier when they were at the church watching TV, setting up then going to see Passion. Not that I mind...I think.

When we were in the kitchen putting the stuff where it needed to be, Mrs. Jeanetta [the same one who got me to do the American Christian Idol thing] asked me to be in the church's version of 'Extreme Makeover'. In one way, I feel privileged to do so, but then I think 'Do they think I need a makeover?' She said that it'll be like the show, without the surgery part & it will deal with hair, makeup & clothes & I'll film myself [with a camera! perhaps they'll supply that :)] every day during a few months. I'm very confused.

Jason & I were working on flyers for the concession stand when we heard Mrs. Jeanetta telling us that the coolers were leaking because we had forgotten to plug them. Arg. I mopped up the massive amount of water as Jason finished up.

Amber was the first person to arrive at the church for the movie which was supposed to start at 6pm, but Mr. Jim told everyone 7pm. We postponed The Princess Bride further. I got to the be the person who took the dollar person & marked a 'B' on each person's hand for Boundless Youth Ministry with a green Sharpie. Hurray. Alot of 'the other' people from our class, being Lindsey etc. came to see Micah speak. Right before he went on I wished him good luck--he did really well, but I could tell he was extrememly nervous. He would only look at me, his parents, Jason & the back wall. He had a good message, then all those people left. How tacky is that. Just like his bday party last year, all those girls left while Amber & I stayed. I think he was a little bummed that they all left, but I cheered him up with 'At least we got their money!'

I liked the movie alot. Micah brought me a Sour Straw during the movie since I asked him for one earlier. :D

After the movie, I stayed to help clean up, as did Micah, Spencer, Andy & Paul. As Jason was telling us what he wanted us to do, he said 'Nicole, you can vacuum' I busted out laughing & said as I was walking to the cleaning closet 'That was the most stereotypical thing you've ever said!' [har] After all that, I headed home. Tis all.
Song of the day: El Condor Pasa [If I Could] by Simon & Garfunkel
Couplet of the day: I finally got to see the movie/& I did get to use a green Sharpie

February 27, 2004--Friday - 11:49 PM

You May Call Me Milkshake Pants
Mood: Musical
We were all exceedingly happy that today is Friday, even though I realized in Spanish II class. :P

I was a wreck all buggin day. Ok, I did not study Bible as much as I wanted to last night, so I wasn't too familiar with it...not good. We had a English/Lit test during 3rd period--which I had forgotten about. Crap. I'm not sure how I did, but after I took it, I used the remainder of class looking over Bible. At 10:50am the bell rang & I had just turned the page to the material I didn't know yet. I had been reviewing what I knew that entire time. I was shaking quite badly in Algebra II due to stress. Why must I do that to myself?!

By lunchtime, I was freaking out--I couldn't study during lunch because I had Drama. To top that all off, I misplaced my script. Between February-March, my mind goes mad due to school. Then lovely Spring Break comes. Of course last year at that time, I had chicken pox. Hmmm.

Test time: spazzed out [har] then realized, thanks to Micah, that if we sell 7 coupon books for our fundraiser, we get 1 Bible test & 1 quiz pass--huzzah! I must get crackin. lol So yeah, everyone is pretty sure that they bombed that test. Yay.

Lurky was wearing a scary bright red poncho kinda thing. *shudders* I told Becca she looked like a scary apple. [random fact coming up] I prefer green apples, by the way.

We watched the 2 remaining Spanish II commercials--hilarious. I didn't realize until I walked out of school that I hadn't mentioned slyly to Micah about the Trogdor shirt. I plan on doing that on Monday...yeah. I have to print out that order form at the church tomorrow so that I can order by check. :D

After school I went dress shopping! We went to the first place on my highly organized list: a really nice consignment shop. As I was looking [I just typed alooking--indeed. 7 swans aswimming... *continues The 12 Days Of Christmas*] I found 3 dresses I really liked. The 1st was mismarked, therefore being 1 size too small. The 2nd was way too clingy. But the 3rd...perfect. This was the dress I wasn't even gonna try on, but I decided not to rule it out because of it's periwinkle color. Floor length, flowy, flouncy & fabric-y on the bottom, actually flattering, [wow all of these start with 'f's--weird], not frilly. All the things I love in a dress, not that I've ever had a need for one before. The best thing was it was soooo reasonably priced. I new dress like that I would put at about $80--I got it for $36.92. It was $45 then there was a 25% discount on all clothing. The only thing about the dress I have to get fixed it the straps. They're not tight enough, so I kinda almost fall out of the top when leaning over. :P That cn be fixed easily by a seamstress though. I was quite elated with the dress & am actually excited about the Jr/Sr Banquet now. :)

I got to the church for 7pm because the Starflyer59 concert was tonight. I talked to Mr. Jim once I walked in & he [jokingly, I thought] told me that he was thinking about getting Micah out of work since he really wanted to be there. I told Jason [once I found him] that I got my dress. He asked 'You got a date yet?' I laughed then he said 'No one in your class has asked you yet!?' I told him no & pointed to the concession stand & said 'Those are the guys in my class, one has a girlfriend & the others are just not...' 'Hmm' That was that. I still have this odd desire for Micah to ask me as friends. While the first band was playing, I looked around throughout the mass of people, still searching for anyone ion our youth group [no one came :P], I spotted Micah standing by Jacob. I back up that way & said 'I thought you had to work' 'I did, my dad got me out of it though'. [har] Jason left around that time because he was so tired--poor dear. I told him to get some rest. After that, I kinda was out in the crowd by myself & The Party People came on. I was instantly attracted by their hard sound. Loved it. I finally got a glimpse of the lead singer--something about him, could've been the glasses, or the guitar. There was just something about him. ;) They played quite a few songs & rocked out fellowship hall. After they were done, I went & bought a $5 My My EP & got a free sticker. Hurrah. Then Starflyer59 came on, but I was rather confused the whole time. I saw that the lead singer wasn't singing & that their sound was softer, so I still thought it was The Party People who just decided to change things. Afterw the concert, I asked Kyleigh & Georgia & they said that Starflyer59 had the guitarist & lead singer of The Party People as 2 guitarists in Starflyer59. Aha. I had been rather concerned that I bought the wrong EP.

The guys were still at the concert & they decided that they didn't feel like going home [just like me], so we [being Micah, Justin, Jacob, Spencer & this other guy] went to Whataburger around 10pm. Justin tried to freak me out while we were in line by getting right up in my face as if he were going to kiss me. :P Spencer asked me 'When's your curfew' 'Um...I don't really have one' 'I LOVE this girl!' [har] I got a strawberry milkshake [another simlilarity between Spencer & I--that's our fave kind] & some fries. At one point, while Justin & Spencer & I were sitting down as the others were waiting for their food, I decided to put my feet up on my chair, but tipped my cup towards myself, thinking the lid was on. All of a sudden I got really cold & Spencer was speechless & pointing: he froze & couldn't tell me that I was about to spill the pinkness all over my pants. We all bust out laughing & he went to get some napkins then went to tell the guys waiting about my accident. It looked like I peed myself. lol I can't live this one down. :D We got a good laugh though. The other guys had to go, I called my dad to come get me from Micah's cell phone & he waited with me for the approximate 15 minutes. :D Some other guys from school came there too & as they passed Rafi [as senior] pointed at us sitting there through the window as to ask if there was an 'us'. It's funny how that still happens with Micah & I. :P We 2 had a good conversation about college, jobs, parents & stuff, then my dad came & got me. That's it for today--I had a great night. :D
Song of the day: My My by The Party People
Couplet of the day: Tonight I found a new band to love--yay/I spilled a milkshake on myself today

February 26, 2004--Thursday - 6:47 PM

Don Quixote & Squee Squee
Mood: Rad
We got to dress in normal clothing to go on our field trip from 8:45am [it's beyond me why we left so late] until the set time of '12:45pm'. Teresa wore a Strong Bad shirt. Rock on Teresa! I just realized earlier tonight, they sell Trogdor the Burninator shirts on homestarrunner.com & Micah is way into that. They're only $12, but I'd have to find out if he'd want one & how to order it. :D His bday is in less than 2 weeks--perfect timing! Hmm. I have to get someone to ask him about it in a subtle way...then I have to figure out if he wears a large or an x-large. All in good time, my dear...erm...Watson. Yeah...

We [being myself, Amber, April, Becca & Georgia, who I called 'Gamber'--sounds like 'jamber' because I can never call a person by their name instinctively. Amber, April & Becca are known collectively by me as 'AmberBeccaApril'. At least they answer! :P] rode in Amber's mom's car to the high school at which we were to watch a play with dancing...Flamenco dancing.

Ah yes--Don Quixote! In all the Quixote-ness. Uh yeah, I didn't really soak it all in. I was busy admiring the girl's fab Birtish accent & the fact thet the guy who played Don had shorts that were scrunched up on one leg...*ah! my eyes!* [har] Nah, it was just odd-looking, not offensive. I felt extremely smart when I figured out that they were riding imaginary horse & dismounting them...not randomly hopping around & climbing over walls. Indeed I feel smart. There were Flamenco dancers who would dance in between scenes--the girl should've had prettier dresses that were all flouncy & swirly. The guy had those little clicky-clicky finger things. Yeah, if I could remember what they're called. :P

Poor Amber & Becca were having problems today. Amber felt bad when we went to the Mexican restaurant & Becca was having...girl problems. I kept making Becca laugh, which she claimed made it worse as her medicine was trying to work, but I explained to her that being sick & bummed out is worse than being sick & in a good mood. :D Her pain slowly subsided & we were having a good time again...sitting by the guys. They're quite amusing. Micah & the guys actually won something out of those little claw machines with the stuffed animals in the restaurant. It was a green bear that says 'The Luck Of The Irish' on the front & they named it Squee Squee. [har] I find making a indubitably green bear look possessed by sharp, quick movements highly scary & hilarious--therefore I burst out in a duck-esque [according to Spencer] laugh because I was caught off-guard. :D At one point, Micah was up & standing behind me, then he made Squee Squee dance upon my head. :P

We ended up getting back to the school at 1:50pm instead of '12:45pm'--haha! we were triumphant in taking as long as humanly possible to prolong the amount of time we weren't in school. We were just in time to still have Spanish II...*flat* yay. I went to the office to make copies & I saw Corey, Blake's best friend, the one who can't recognize me. This time he did though! I told Becca he was in there, but Mrs. M wouldn't let her go in to say 'hey'. We watched Micah, Spencer, Mike & Guy's Spanish project commercial thingy then ours. They rocked, while we had...minimal resources. :D Afterwards, I spotted Corey walking down the hall & Becca popped her head out there to talk to him. Eventually I joined them & Micah walked up. I said 'Corey, this is Micah' Micah says 'I've heard so much about you--actually I haven't--I've heard more about Blake!' Corey laughs then responds 'Ha--well there's not much to say [about me]' Micah then said, to the side, directed to me, 'I'm not a shake-hands person, I like hugs' then I outstretched my right arm towards him & make a silly noise in joking. Then he leans over & hugs me with both arms for a long time. Guy, who was standing behind us said 'Brotherly & sisterly love...' :) I'm still having those confusing feelings I explained in yesterday's entry. I know that we are officially 'just friends' right now & I don't want that to change...right now. Then in the hallway, he was trying to give Rachel, Spencer's girlfriend, Squee Sqeuee. I said in the same silly voice as earlier, 'I'll take it!' He laughed then handed it to me--I stuck lovely Squee Squee in my locker. :D Rachel & Spencer giggled about the fact & I felt stupid for a sec, but oh well. :P

I finished watching The Others from the part where Becca & I had to stop watching on Saturday because I could not, for the life of me, remember the entire plot line, since I haven't watched in in over a year. Good movie. Now, i have to go study Bible for a test tomorrow. Ugh. Oh wait! Tomorrow is the Staryflyer59 concert at my church & I get to look at dressies [sorry, that's the word that popped in my head, so I had to type it :P]! All is not lost. :D
Song of the day: Not Guilty by The Beatles
Couplet of the day: All was fun--we were out of school/I got fried ice cream which is cool

February 25, 2004--Wednesday - 10:06 PM

*dances* We Are The Titans...
Mood: Ok
Today is the celebration of George Harrison's birthday. They say it's your birthday!

Micah told me this morning that he got to the church at 8:30pm last night--he & Jason hung out, watched TV & ate pizza.

Not too much happened at school...Lurky is still creepy. Arg.

When I got to the church, Jason let me [made me? j/k :P] fill in the new info from last week onto the spreadsheets while he & Micah readied the fellowship hall for us watching Remember The Titans! Huzzah. right before the movie, Micah asked me a question about our field trip tomorrow [he was sitting behind me] & I nodded my head [I guess not enough], then he leaned forward & said 'hellooo???' while playing with my hair. [har] Then Rebecca asked to borrow my jacket & it was freezing in there, so I turned around & asked Micah if I could borrow his jacket [I saw it was sitting over on a chair by my purse]. He said 'Yeah!' so I went & fetched it. :P It was warm & smelled like his dad, therefore I take it that it smelled like his house. Various people ended up leaving during the movie & it ended up being just us 2 while Jason was in his office at the end of the movie. He scooted his chair next to mine, as I sit in a fetal position facing the other way. At the end of the movie, we both instinctively popped up at the end of the movie, as Jason walked in...therefore giving the scene that we were doing something wrong & got caught...which we, of course, weren't. What's wrong with me? I know I love him, but as what? As a brother...or as a super-good friend about which I perpetually feel will become more? All I know is that I still feel a tinge of guilt if I feel that another random guy is attractive...hmm. He, Jason & Jenny [a girl/lady--I can't tell how old she is, I think she might be about 20--that works in the nursury] are going to go see Passion on Sunday. They were talking about it right in front of me. Yeah, I still have the young child persona of feeling left out--can't help it. That kinda threw me off...then I left church to get into the car.

My mom freaked out because it was 9:45pm [which I had no idea about!!!] when I told her to come around 8:50pm. I had lost track of time & found out that there wasn't a need for her to come so early until only a few minutes before. The only sound half the way home was her yelling at me for causing problems & whatnot. Ehh. I don't even respond to negativity anymore. She should be glad about the fact that I don't let things like that phase me, otherwise I'd be really screwed up.
Song of the day: Give Me Love [Give Me Peace On Earth] by George Harrison
Couplet of the day: Happy bday our dear late Georgie/I love the rad movie we watched--whee [har]